The thing about emotional abuse is that you don’t even know it’s happening, even when everyone else around you does. Emotional abuse or manipulation will make you second guess every one of your actions. You will wonder if you’re over reacting, you’ve been told your over reacting, but you’re not overreacting... are you?
“That’s not abuse.”
locking the dog in a boiling hot conservatory, scaring him with a brush and hitting his cage while he’s in it’s teaching him how to behave.
Happy 19th birthday- leave your phone and laptop downstairs, it’s my house it’s my rules.
I’m not talking to you, making you tea or even acknowledging you because I need ‘mental space’ away from you all because you’re all emotionally draining me with all of your issues.
You must speak to me about money... you refuse to speak to me about money? Well guess what you’re not having your inheritance money, you know the money your gran left for you that is helping you through uni. Also, you do know we pay for your phone bill you’re not having it anymore because you’re not doing what I say.
Your girlfriend is not welcome in my house.
You cannot go out with your girlfriend or friends because you didn’t ask me.
You can stay at her house for one night,
9am: 12 missed calls, 10am: Where are you?? 11am: All ok? 12pm Come home now, 1pm: 5 missed calls, 2pm: why are you not home, 3pm at home: You need to stay in contact with us at all times no exceptions…
Phones up screams: You twat
Hi... erm… im just wondering... you know tomorrow… I was just thinking… is it okay... like… everyone else is going… if I could… yanno go to Starbucks… for a study session…
I only kicked you out for one night (Didn’t ring or ask me to come back… ever)
Haha you tell us your feelings? Sorry I think you’re mentally ill.
You’ve tried to kill yourself? Don’t contact me unless it’s an emergency.
Emotional abuse is also relevant amongst marriages.
“It’s not like your mother, or your grandmother have died or anything.
I can’t look after our daughter tonight because I’m on the phone so basically, I am telling you that you can’t spend any time with your sister.
You do know I can cheat but how dare you speak to any other men, in fact how dare you have any friends.
Hey, I only threatened to break up with you because you have issues of abandonment since your dad left you.
Seriously ‘jiggly bum’ why did you eat all the cakes?? Fat bum. Why are you so slow, yet you’re so quick to eat all the cakes aren’t you?
You will be back at this time…..
You can’t do this…
I don’t want you to……
You don’t show me love anymore I am leaving you. Never mind I’m not leaving you but we’re now in a parental marriage. We’re not in a parental marriage anymore we’re trying to make it work…”
You can’t have a relationship with our daughter who I kicked out because I will do everything in my power to make it impossible.
The worst part is how no one else is aware of what’s going on even after you’ve escaped. No one knows because ‘they’re a lovely family.’ No one knows because ‘oh she’s just busy at uni.’ No one knows because ‘we asked her to come back its her who doesn’t want to be a part of the family.’ No one knows because no one speaks out. I’m speaking out
…it is abuse.
So whether you’re a daughter, or a mother, a son, a cousin, a step son, a dad, an aunty……….. emotional abusers don’t care.
So many things have not even been addressed but these are just some examples. There are many signs too look out for when experience emotional abuse, even though it is hard to see these signs go with your gut, your instinct is usually right:
1. Say things that may upset, frighten, or threaten you
2. Monitors your time and whereabouts
3. Controls finance and how you spend your money
4. Makes jokes at your expense
5. Orders you around and treats you like a servant.
6. Requires his or her permission before you can go anywhere or make a decision
7. Shows a “Jekyll and Hyde” temperament with wild mood swings.
8. Accuses you of being crazy
9. Isolates you from friends and family
10. Is frequently emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable.
The list is endless.
Not all abuse is physical, you can’t see the scars, but there are scars inside. There are lasting psychological affects, that will haunt you. Not all abuse is physical, there are many types: emotional, financial, sexual.
If you are suffering from any form of abuse please talk to someone, the charity women’s aid has a free 24/7 phone line if you need to speak to someone. if you’re immediate danger call 999.