I honestly feel like no one ever talks about the emotional pain of losing a friend, so here I am giving credit and hopefully helping you a little by even writing this.
Throughout life you are going to meet thousands of people (Maybe millions but I don’t wanna be too dramatic) I guess some people will stay with you for life, others are only there for a blink of an eye. The people who you thought would be there for you forever just walk out. I have had many people walk out of my life, I have walked out of many peoples lives but I guess no matter how many times it happens, it will always affect you, in ways you could cannot comprehend. I guess people never really talk about the heartbreak between friends.
For me I find waiting really hard and I get so anxious over it, like when someone says “Can we talk later” My mind honestly thinks of the worse possible scenario ever, like OMG this person hates me, this person has killed someone and they need my help, this person has a terminal illness-they’re going to die in like two hours. Honestly the extreme things I think about are just ridiculous. I guess that’s why it’s so hard when you’ve fallen out with a friend and you’re waiting for the clarification, and the closure on whether or not that person actually wants you in their life.
The idea of rejection for anyone is a terrifying thought. The fact that we can give our all into someone and they just turn round one day and be like I don’t want this love you are giving me. It hurts just as much in a platonic relationship than a romantic one. All the fun times that you have had together, the 1am conversations, the laughs, the problems shared, and the problems solved. The people you feel you can talk to about anything just goes. There may be many reasons why they leave, maybe they don’t want that relationship, maybe they found some other friends, maybe they think they will be happier without you. No matter the reason they left you… it still fucking hurts.
I think the worst part of losing the people you tell everything too is when you have some really good news, or something you desperately want to talk about, something they would love to hear, like the fact Hugh Grant told my lecturer to “fuck off.” I guess its not having them to talk to, to have their support and to support them. Its knowing things in their lives aren’t going well and there’s nothing you can do to help them. It’s the awkward moments where you’re like okay I really don’t want to look desperate right now but I really want you to understand, I really want you in my life. Its that rejection, that fear when they say we’ll go our different ways, knowing there is nothing you can do to make them stay.
It’s hard to move on from something like that because you start to doubt yourself, and what you have done, and then you start blaming yourself, and you’re missing them, and you have no one to talk too and its just a massive mess. The only thing I can do is move forward, know that things in life are only temporary and things will get better. So I hope you got some reassurance from this post, and you know that friends do break your heart and it fucking hurts.